I thought I was ready
I thought I could handle the pressure
I thought I knew

I thought it was a joke
I laughed
I choked
I whimpered

I ran
And I knew then that I'd thought wrong
All wrong

Numbness takes over
It's all gone
Dark
Gaping holes where things should be
Emotions
Memories
Hidden
Out of sight

I'm missing something vital
Liveliness?
A soul?
A heart?

I barely exist

This shattered my carefully built
glass wall
shelter
Reality cuts
stings
pricks like thorns

I slowly fix my broken shelter
Except now, it's made of brick
And I've walled myself in
And I'm not coming out
and nobody's coming in

My worst fears have been realized
And I know
I'm missing something vital
And I won't ever get it back.

I don't know if I really want it.